Pastoral Care

Featured

Five Year’s Faith Journey

/ tedford64 / 2 Comments

When I was so hung-ho about my writing, and began publishing this blog, I was also more open to exploring and exposing my creative side. Five years later it seems my creativity has been pushed to the side.

I was curious about traveling back in time to my 5 year ago self, and took the opportunity to fish a some-times-but-not-often used journal out of my pack. Mixed in with meeting notes and a few to-do lists were entries from a writing workshop I attended at Earlham School of Religion in November 2017.

I guess one of the assignments was to write a prayer. Or I assigned myself the task of writing a prayer. However it happened, I have a powerful prayer penned into this occasional book. Waiting.

So almost five years later I offer this prayer a chance to live in the open. To come out of hiding – maybe like my writing. And the words still ring true.

Here it is…

Help thou my unbelief...

...for trusting that I am enough is heavy-lifting.
The layers of lies that weigh down my glory are too burdensome for me;
at least they are today.

I want to be able to believe in my worthiness,
to do this seemingly simple task of acceptance on my own.

But I find myself trapped in the muck of misinformation, 
the accumulated decay of lies told to me - and told by me - over these fifty-plus years.

May Grace abound and bend gravity.
May Light lighten and lift my spirit.
May the mirror's image clear, the reflection sharpen, into crisp focus.

So that I can - perhaps in just this eternal moment - see myself as You see me.

Maybe then I can believe.
November 4, 2017

It’s Time

/ tedford64 / 2 Comments

“Without awareness, we are not truly alive.” – James F. T. Bugental (American therapist, teacher and writer, d. 2008)

“When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.” – Tecumseh (Native American Shawnee warrior, chief, tribal confederacy leader, d. 1813)

Recently, I’ve been noticing how others are noticing time.  As the first month of this new year comes to its close, there seems to be a sense of surprise of how times continues to progress.  With this surprise also comes, from many, a yearning for the next two months to speed by, so that we can all fast-forward through the rest of the winter weeks.

My work over the years as a chaplain, both in hospice and hospital settings, regularly thrusts me into discussions about time.  Patients and their loved ones ask: “How much time is left?” “How do I find meaning in my time?” “How can we focus on quality time?” “How is God at work in these boundaries of time?” All of these questions stem from a need to make meaning of the timelines we find ourselves traveling through.

In this new year I want to be reminded of the finitude of my own time journey as a way to appreciate the here-and-now blessing of living.  My new “We Croak” app reminds me of my mortality with random quotes about life and death, and another app (“My Time Left”) displays an estimated personal mortality countdown clock (just over 24 years left for me by the app’s calculations).  It may sound morbid, but I appreciate these reminders that time moves in one direction, and that I have the opportunity each moment to live fully.

In what remains of this year I will try not to hasten or delay time, but rather to notice it, experience it, cherish and respect it.  And to live my life with an awareness of its end.

P.S.: Another mortality reminder just popped up on my phone: “The fear of death follows from the fear of life.  A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” – Mark Twain. 

Good to know!